I have unleashed the fire in myself, let my starsign free itself of predictions, contradictions, and stereotypes and have just really launched the full me out there. It's about damn time. While I find earth, consistent and strong in its consistency, I also find it boring in the long steps it uses to plod along, the neverending patience it breathes ceaselessly waiting for time to unravel itself and let change happen unhindered. Earth will come more easily to me once i have more time to play in it. I have been reading books on planting and gardening. Hopefully I will be successful at it. Water I am having a hard time with, because it either soaks my ambition by pulling out my own long-buried passions in me, or nourishes me with the purity of emotions that I get fed in moments the size of a grain of sand. Water does not have pity, or a true remorse, but chants the truth over and over like waves breaking against a shore until you feel it beat in your blood and finally understand it for yourself.
My life is on hinges again, although I don't know if the door/gateway is whole. Never have I ever felt my destiny/fate so cupped up by another's hand(s), but I'm determined to try to accept it- to try to let the best workout its own magic for me. I can't believe that the best is coming with doubting in an amount equal to my hope, but I wish for it silently in my head, pleading for happiness while feeling guilty for feeling so undeserving. I wish I had something of myself to give that appease anyone who listens to my cowardly tales, but I am afraid that besides something of material value that I really don't have anything left worthy of offering but goodwill.
It is dsicomforting in the least to feel so close, and yet so many millions upon millions of miles away. I suppose this is how the stars feel looking down at the Earth and wondering as they scan the surrounding universe tirelessly if anyone is watching to see how they glitter? Ah, Starseeds, let us be friends and share together this lonely emotion that swirls throught the cascading spiral of my soul! Together we are the Gemini to everything that exists and in this moment all nodes are right and point inward to our true compass and chart!